Remote Painter // 2015
The ERROR CELL: G2: Native-Cog-Dissidents
RHA Annual // RHA Gallagher Gallery // Dublin
1kg of Semtex: scented // Charles Brady, 1926-1997
2kg of Semtex: unscented //Charles Brady, 1926-1997
5kg of Czech Gold // Charles Brady, 1926-1997
7.5kg of Libyan Lubricant // Charles Brady, 1926-1997
Jimmy Savile’s Love Letter // Charles Brady, 1926-1997
Ian Paisley goes Lurching N Lamping after been questioned for the 6th time by the Police about his knowledge of Kincora House Abuse Scandal // James Arthur O’Connor, 1792-1841
Is it a Celtic Cross or is it Bel Baal First? // Mick Mulcahey, b. 1952
RTE Channels Some Fascist Energy // Mick Mulcahey, b. 1952
Irish-Basque-North American Indian Genetic Catherine Wheel // Mick Mulcahey, b.1952
Bog Body // Patrick Collins // 1911-1994
Bag Body // Patrick Collins, 1911-1994
Lay-by Body // Patrick Collins, 1911-1994
Concrete Body // Patrick Collins, 1911-1994
Cul-De-Sac Body // Patrick Collins, 1911-1994
Reported Dead, Uncollected for 3 Weeks Outside Aras an Uachtrain Body // Patrick Collins, 1911-1994
Side of the Road Body // Patrick Collins, 1911-1994
No Body // Patrick Collins, 1911-1994
PC Porn: The Children of the Revolution, Declan McGonagle and Brian Cowan, Critique Contemporary Society whilst nixing as life models // Charlie Cullen, b. 1939
MI5-6 Al-CIA-da-ssoM False Flag Champions League Trophy Alarm Clock // John Behan, b. 1938
Amb. St. Patrick Bio-Locates in Space Time and Simultaneously Burns the Books of the Druids at Opus Dei HQ @ Hill of Tara and Shreds the Ryan Report on the Set of an Advert for The Board Failte // James Barry, 1741-1806
R.P.G. Practice in the Quarry // Tony O’Malley, 1913-2003
Inner-Scape of an Arms Cache // Tony O’Malley, 1913-2003
Howard Marks goes shopping for Bulk Skunk in the Caribbean En Route to Shannon Duty Free // Tony O’Malley, 1913-2003
Plans for a Bank Job // Tony O’Malley, 1913-2003
Crystalline Structure of Potato Blight // Tony O’Malley, 1913-2003
Monument 4 Amnesty International that Sacrificially Gasses Pigeons 4 Peace // Tony O’Malley, 1913-2003
The Queen Blows her Nose while Apologising for 800 years of Subjection under the Authority of a Papal Bull // Mainie Jellet, 1897-1944
Schrödinger’s Catastrophic Cat (with observerable interference from Francis Picabia) // Nano Reid, 1900-81
Microscopic Painting of a Nano-bot Cat (major fluctuations from Hermann Nitsch) // Nano Reid, 1900-81 // Blood & Acrylic on canvas, mounted
Microscopic Painting of a Nano-bot Cat (major fluctuations from Hermann Nitsch) // Nano Reid, 1900-81
Avant-garde Squirrel Meme // Nano Reid, 1900-81
Anne Maguire’s Explosive Cake Mix, with Special Glycerine Free Icing // William Scott, 1913-1989
Domestic Bomb Factory // William Scott, 1913-1989
The Innocent Guilt of Agricultural Paraphernalia (Please Police Vigilance on the Farm Campaign) // William Scott, 1913-1989
Defensive Communication System: Belfast Bin Lid // William Scott, 1913-1989
Replacement Painting #1: Rose Dougdale, English Aristocrat who Stole Paintings as Ransom for the Repatriation of Force Fed I.R.A. Prisoners // Peter Paul Rubens, 1577-1640
Replacement Painting #2: Martin Cahill, Dublin Working Class Criminal who stole Paintings to Sell on to the U.V.F. to fund their guns // Peter Paul Rubens, 1577-1640
Peter the Painter Paints with Both Hands // Patrick Hennessey, 1915-1980
Sneaky Smoke Outside a Safe House // Stephen McKenna, b. 1939
Guerrillas in the Glen // Pauline Bewick, b. 1935
Spot the Ball: The Queen Mum, a Wee Whipping Boy from Waterford Supports the Deise // Nathaniel Hone the Elder, 1718-1784
‘The Midas Touch’ with owner, JP McManus & Jockey. The Wonder Horse that Tore up the History Books, winning; 3 Derby’s, 1 Guineas, 6 St.Legers,2 Oaks, 7 Grand Nationals (3 Irish, 2 Welsh, 2 English), 109 Point to Points, 56 Bumper Classics and 29 Cheltenham Gold Cups,(7 of which it did not run in) // William Brocas, 1794-1868
Design for Special Edition DVD Cover for The7/7 Ripple Effect. (John Anthony Hill: Extradited from Ireland to the UK for sending a DVD to a Judge and Jury Foreman to illustrate the innocence of 3Patsies (later acquitted) accused of involvement in the 7/7 Bombings in London where 56 people were declared dead without an autopsy) // Brian Bourke, b. 1936
Prince Phillip goes out on the Raz @ Ritz and wakes up with 96 D Notices Tattooed on his Forehead // Brian Bourke, b. 1936
‘INSTANT FAMINE’ a very popular culinary dish throughout the British Empire. The Native Irish became so addicted to it, that they proceed to sell all the crops, livestock and belongs to fund their Habit // Camille Souter, b. 1929
Bobby Sands Last Meal: A Glass of Un-fluoridated Water // Camille Souter, b. 1929
‘INSTANT NOURISHMENT’ a very popular culinary dish throughout the Anglo-American Empire. The Colonial Subjects become so addicted to it that they freely enter Prison and starve themselves to feed their habit // Camille Souter, b. 1929
Boucher’s Bouquet: This Painting will not be Finished until Irish Sovereignty is Destroyed and Transformed into a Corporate- Fascist State Entity // Michael Farrell, 1940-2000 // Hinges, Acrylic on Canvas
Victory by The Ballot Box or Rigging the Selection: How to win the 2nd Lisbon Treaty by walking out the unguarded front door of Cork City Corporation Count Centre HQ, carrying a Ballot Box back to the Local Vote Centre to retrieve the missing/ unreturned/ stolen Pencils at the behest of the City Sherriff, as per Protocol //Michael Farrell, 1940-2000
Hedging the Bets, A Corporate Collection: Flight of the Tiger Bird of Prey, Early 21 Century Celtic Knot // Michael Farrell, 1940-2000 // Hinges, Acrylic on Canvas
The Ramming of the Uninsured Olympia before it was switched and renamed with its Smaller Sister Ship, the Titanic, before her maiden voyage // James Dixon, 1887-1970
The Sinking of the Lusitania: 2 U-Boats reported operating in the Vicinity. Accompanying Destroyer told to turn back to harbour at Queenstown. Lusitania ordered to go slow to save fuel. U Boat fires and hits the Lusitania. Several minutes later they report a 2nd larger explosion. The Lusitania sinks in minutes // James Dixon, 1887-1970
Good Faith in the Good Friday Agreement. The RAF Helicopter that sacrificially crashed into the Mull of Kintyre, killing 26 of the Top ranking Counter Insurgency officers of the British Army in Northern Ireland, because the Beacon used for navigation was placed in the wrong place // James Dixon, 1887-1970
Lord Mountbatten drops into Kincora Boys Home for a little R&R on his way to Bundoren and has to circle Services the block 27 times to find a parking space, due to the high presence of Military/ Judiciary/Political and VIP’s availing of the Blackmail // Gerard Dillion, 1917-1971
Capt. Robert Laurence Nairac of Forces Reconnaissance Unit (FRU): The Official and Original Mr Tit 4 Tat Killer who slaughtered the Irish show Band Scene // William Orpen, 1878-1931
Múinteoir Enda Kenny’s Hedge School. Established in 2016 as an Experiential School to Develop Resistance to Neo-Liberal Colonialism through the teaching of Irish History from the perspective of the Victim. Module #1: Jean Baudrillard –The Famine that Never Happened. The Irish Holocaust and the Export of Food to Feed 18 Million People // Nathaniel Hone the Younger, 1813-1917
Múinteoir Enda Kenny’s Hedge School. Established in 2016 as an Experiential School to Develop Resistance to Neo-Liberal Colonialism through the teaching of Irish History from the perspective of the Victim. Module #2: The Great Irish Slave Trade to the American Colonies of the 17th Century, Irish Slaves outnumbered African Slaves, The Myth they were all Indentured Servants // Nathaniel Hone the Younger, 1813-1917
Múinteoir Enda Kenny’s Hedge School. Established in 2016 as an Experiential School to Develop Resistance to Neo-Liberal Colonialism through the teaching of Irish History from the perspective of the Victim. Module #3: The Penal Laws Decoded and the ¼ Acre Rule. Brehon Law as a Weapon of Defence against Admiralty Law of the Sea and the 1666 Black Trust // Nathaniel Hone the Younger, 1813-1917
Shergar takes a Tumble // Basil Blackshaw, b. 1931
Johnny Adair always scoops up his Bull Dog’s poo when he goes for a walk // Basil Blackshaw, b. 1932
The (sinking) citizen (ship) // Robert Ballagh, b. 1943 with Special Guest Richard Hamilton, 1922-2011
The state (‘s Man) // Robert Ballagh, b. 1943 with Special Guest Richard Hamilton, 1922-2011
The subject (as objective. The Fluorescent Men) // Robert Ballagh, b. 1943 with Special Guest Richard Hamilton, 1922-2011
The State has Bobby Ballagh on a Retainer for Life to remain vigilant at all times for Financial Disturbances in the Market should the need arise to print some Emergency Temp-Punts // Robert Ballagh, b. 1943
Chem-Trail / Geo-Engineering / Aerosol Spraying Over Connemara // Paul Henry, 1877-1959
The Redcoats make sure that the Tenant Peasants harvest the Landlords crop and don’t be stealing morsels of food when there’s plenty of blithe at home to feed the Family // Paul Henry, 1877-1959 // Acrylic on Canvas
Planet X : Nibiru // Patrick Scott, 1921-2014
Chem-trail Trials and the Solar Cloud-Eclipse // Patrick Scott, 1921-2014
Zetetic Astronomy Masonic Gastronomic Dinner Plane // Patrick Scott, 1921-2014
A Monsanto Proposal, Teagasc obliges and St Patrick the Expeller of Snakes turns in his Grave // John Kindness, 1951
Hugh Lane on-board the Lusitania, reads one of the few published Adverts which got past the censure of the Editors, warning Passengers not to travel on English Merchant Ships, as they will be torpedoed as per International Rules of Naval Engagement // Walter Osborne, 1859-1903
The Liffey Swindle / Aiding Free Trade: The American Axis of the Willing cuts out the Middle Man and sells High Quality Heroin and Cocaine direct to the Irish Punters // Jack B. Yeats, 1871-1957
Enda Kenny goes old School and enacts the Brehon Law of Fasting outside the Debtors Angela Merkel’s House // Jack B. Yeats, 1871-1957
Michael Noonan is caught devouring an indiscreet Big Mac outside the Bank of International Settlements and thus incurring the penalty of the Forfeiture of his Fast in accordance with Brehon Big Banker Law // Jack B. Yeats, 1871-1957
****Spoiler Alert ****Michael Collins, the most wanted man in the Empire with no face to ID, has a face to face, with his British Intelligence Handler, to catch on the latest script developments and plot twists in the on-going Irish soap Opera //Jack B. Yeats, 1871-1957
Madame Blavatsky of the Theosophy Society Referees the Final of the Great Ritualistic Games between the Order of the Golden Dawn Captained By Yeats who brought the contents of Noah’s Ark as sacrificial fuel, pitted against the and Ordo Templi Orientis, Captained by Aliester Crowley, who raided the social services of the EU’s care homes for invisible children // Jack B. Yeats, 1871-1957
Michael Collins and Eamon De Valera shake on a pact, outside the Masonic Hall to intentionally fudge up the Treaty and keep the Boss Men Happy // Jack B. Yeats, 1871-1957
Remote Painter meets Pablo Picasso outside the Royal Hibernian Academy during his exhibition G2, The Error Cell // Fr. Francis Browne, 1880-1960
Abstract-a-Cat. The Kerry Kitten, Open Tender of State Contracts is so much more creative in an Avant Garde way // Cecil King, 1921-1986
The Real Capital, The City of London where the Remembrancer Whispers in the Speakers Ear and Chairs ‘Honourable the Irish Society’ // Cecil King, 1921-1986
Sleeping with the Enemy. Michael Collins enjoys a little cuddle with Mona Llewelyn Davis (Lloyd George’s Secretary) with an MI5 Chaperone taking shorthand during a recess in the Treaty Negations whilst Kathleen Ni Lavery looks on the proceedings with Scorn // John Lavery, 1856-1941
Martin McGuiness (Codename: Fisherman) has a stroll with his MI5 Handler in the Botanical Gardens and Discuss their Love of Geraniums // Barrie Cooke, 1931-2014
The Hibernian Horrible’us (The Irish Stag on the Prowl) // Barrie Cooke, 1931-2014
News Flash: Plane Parts found in Painting // Barrie Cooke, 1931-2014
Mary Robinson on the run disguised as a Shelia-Na-Gig, stumbles into an arms dump on her way home from a meeting of The Club of Rome // Barrie Cooke, 1931-2014
Colossal Co-illusion, Google the fuck out of Operation Gladio // Patrick Graham, 1943
Every Day is Forces Research Unit Day // Patrick Graham, 1943
Simon Covney, The Farmer who went to Bilderberg and Came Back a General // Patrick Graham, 1943
Charlie’s Redacted Accounts // Patrick Graham, 1943
Bertie’s Best Bet // Patrick Graham, 1943
Group Portrait of all the Irish Artists and Poets who would turn up in 2016 to fight for and defend their Freedom // Sean Keating, 1889-1977
Is the Pope Catholic? / Every Painter should Paint the Pope Series // Sean Keating, 1889-1977
Denis O Brien reaches into his pocket whilst in the Dock giving evidence in Court relating to Legal Proceedings Brought by the Plaintiff (Denis O’Brien) against the Irish State and all its Peoples on Charges of Thought Crimes against the said Plaintiff using this prophetic portrait as well as the entire works of Jonathon Swift as evidence of his grievance // Sean Keating, 1889-1977
Kidnapped Painter forced to express himself in Mural Format at Gunpoint // Louis Le Brocquy, 1916-2012
Bono’s Hair Gets a Lobotomy // Louis Le Brocquy, 1916-2012
Garrets Shady Shade of Grey // Willie McKeown, 1962-2011
Lowry’s Lovely Brown // Willie McKeown, 1962-2011
A Septic Tank full of Children’s Body Parts in Tuam // Patrick Hall, 1935
Edward Heath is interrupted in his fun when he has to take a call from his Backer telling him to give a Bloody Nose to the Protesters // Jack Donovan, 1934-2014
Kneecapping Drug Dealers for Selling Somebody else’s Gear // Christy Brown, 1931-1981
The Famine was Terrible // Michael Flatley, b. 1958 // Acrylic on Beach Panels
The Sinking of Pat the Chief’s Boat off the Coast of Rossport // Christy Brown, 1931-1981
I eat Sapphires for Breakfast and shit Diamonds for Dinner // Michael Flatley, b. 1958
Abstract Art is Piss Easy // Christy Brown, 1931-1981
When I was younger I dug ditches and sweated nuggets of Gold // Michael Flatley, b. 1958
All the Irish Artists and Poets who would turn up for the grants to Celebrate a Political Pageant of Revolution // Christy Brown, 1931-1981
I Sold My Soul to a Leprechaun // Michael Flatley, b. 1958
Portrait of Charlie Haughey with Broken Arm after a Failed Coup // Christy Brown. 1931-1981
Occam’s Fontana Razor: You get the art you deserve // Michael Flatley, b. 1958
Studio & Installation
Remote Painters Footwear
Michael Flatley’s New Painting & Dancing Shoes
The ERROR CELL: G2: Native-Cog-Dissidents
The ERROR CELL: G2: Native-Cog-Dissidents
The ERROR CELL: G2: Native-Cog-Dissidents
Remote Painters Far Away Day Cage
Remote Painter @ work in the Studio
Remote Painters Far Away Day Cage
Remote Painter @ work in the Studio
Remote Painter @ work in the Studio
Remote Painter @ work in the Studio
Remote Painter @ work in the Studio
Remote Painter @ work in the Studio
Remote Painters Far Away Day Cage
Remote Painters Far Away Day Cage
Remote Painters Marker Board
Remote Painters Marker Board
Remote Painters Marker Board
Remote Painters Business Board
Remote Painters Marker Board
Remote Painters Marker Board
Remote Painters Marker Board
Remote Painters Marker Board
Uncle Micks Death Notice
The ERROR Cell #1: G2: Cog-Native-Dissidents
Greetings from G2 H.Q.,
We know all about you, but you probably haven’t heard of us, we’re the original G-Men. According to our friends at the CIA-wiki-oogle, we are, ‘one of the most secretive intelligence agencies in Europe, and the Irish government and Defence Forces rarely allude to its very existence’. Not bad for a Secret Service that can trace its origins back to the The G Division of the Dublin Metropolitan Police, somewhere between the years 1836-1859.
One of Sneem’s finest, William Melville (Codename M), was instrumental in founding the Special Irish Branch of London’s Metropolitan Police, in 1883, the world’s first special branch. He followed this up with the famous false flag incident, where he colluded and framed the Walsall Anarchists on terrorism charges. This formed the factional narrative structure of Joseph Conrad’s novel “The Secret Agent’.
The Irish Special Branch was the template that led to the formation of the World’s various alphabet soups. MI5/MI6/O.S.S/C.I.A./N.S.A.,etc.
We, The Directorate of Intelligence (G2), in our present alphabetical configuration were founded in the mid-1920s following the Anglo-Irish Treaty.
G2 as an Organisation are always looking for new techniques of innovation. We keep a close eye on our international competitors for the latest trend and developments. We were intrigued by MI5’s recent public outing in 2015, by allowing cameras to film inside Thames House for the first time. This was a collaboration with Blue Peter, who ran Project Petra, a competition to appoint a trio of Children’s BBC Intelligence Officers (CBBCIO). The winners ranging in ages from 10-13 were chosen from 5,000 entrants and trained at CBBC Spy School.
G2 operates in a different cultural climate than those of our founding years. The village is now a Global ill-age. To maintain our standards of excellence, we have written a new policy code of operations, codenamed; ‘Disclosure of Factional Dis-info’.
It is with great pleasure and indiscretion that we present to you the following exhibition that will showcase some of our recent exploits and activities.
Remote Painter: A Secret Art Collection for a Secret Agency in Ireland
As an organisation who maintains a high standard of intelligence, we are constantly retraining our staff in new techniques. In 2004 a copy of Jon Ronson’s ‘The Men Who Stare at Goats’ was suggested as reading material for G2’s Internal Book Club. This intrigued one of our operatives who specialised in Cultural Currents. He was also an accomplished Saturday Sculptor / Sunday Painter. He requested to go to Fort Meade in the U.S. to receive Military Remote Viewer Training. Upon his return to H.Q. in Kildare, he set up the G2: Remote Viewing Unit (G2.R.V.U.). He was the founding member, codenamed: Remote Painter.
The G2.R.V.U. has been instrumental in defending and protecting the Irish State against various threats, both internal and external. A lot of the work is very dark in nature; espionage, counter espionage and blackmail can become burdensome on the psyche. As a result, Remote Viewers are often known to employ their skills on projects of a personal nature.
Remote Painter began to develop experimental R.V. techniques as a coping mechanism, which he employed into his hobby of painting and sculpture, he called it Remote Painting. He found that he was able to tune directly into another artist’s frequency and make their work. It didn’t matter if the artist was living or dead or yet to be born.
Remote Painter began to study the metaphysical nature of his practice. His contemplations led him to believe that the works he was making existed in a ‘Schrödinger-verse’, in that; they existed as originals and forgeries at the same time. Further probing into the quantum mechanics of Remote Painting uncovered the paradox that no observation could collapse their dual reality, they would forever remain both genuine and fake. This was observed when artists were shown work that Remote Painter made using their frequency. Every artist claimed it was their own work, but none could remember when they made it. He referred to this condition as ‘The Berkley’s Bollox’ effect.
Remote Painter’s technique involved scanning through art books and periodicals for random artists frequencies. He would amplify specific artist he found interesting. Once he had decided on an artist, he then tuned to geographic coordinates (longitude / latitude) which determined the location of the subject matter. The combination of artist and coordinates were then combined to produce paintings, sculptures, videos, performances, drawings.
He devised a simple mathematical formula for his Remote Painting:
(Artist) x (Coordinates) = Remote Artwork
Over the years, Remote Painter has experimented with different hybrid combinations of artists. Some of these hybrids were organic and logical and produced beautiful works. (Rembrandt + Courbet) x (Moon), was particularly insightful. Others were horrific car crashes of creation that tested the boundaries of taste e.g.
(Paul Gauguin + Mary Kelly) x (Hy-Brasil)
(Frida Kahlo + Hermann Nitsch) x (Disneyland)
(Mary Cassatt + Christoph Schlingensief) x (The Bates Motel)
(Chris Burden + Jean-Honoré Fragonard) x (The Battle of Widow McCormack’s Cabbage Patch)
Through this experimental process, G2 has amassed a vast secret art collection. Some of the works hang on the walls of HQ. It is a very difficult collection to hang due to security concerns. Something as benign and abstract as a Rothko hanging in a canteen can take on a very different look and meaning if one knows the input coordinates used to paint it. As a result; approx. 97% of the collection is classified as ‘eyes only’ and housed in deep underground bunkers due to risk assessment under the Official Secrets of the State Act.
Remote Painter retired from active duty in 2011, and is no longer officially an active member of the G2.R.V.U.
Earlier this year, G2 approached him with a proposal to exhibit some of his genuine forgeries at the Royal Hibernian Academy. Remote Painter was immediately on board with the idea, but had larger aspirations and ambitions for the project. He wanted to make it more accessible and dynamic to the public and embrace the performative / studio element of his art practice. Remote Painter decided to set up a working studio under the stairs of the basement at the R.H.A., where he will do some live Remote Painting in the space. It is envisaged that the collection will grow over the course of the exhibition.
A documentation process of the experience will culminate in the publication of the book;
Remote Painter: A Secret Art Collection for a Secret Agency in Ireland.
Remote painter is a retired civil servant. He enjoys his free time. He hopes to turn up every day.
Coordinates of art works will not be disclosed due to Disclosure of Factional Dis-info protocols.
Full Failure Report
Artist: Micheal Mulcahey
Title: The Exorcism of Bad Painting: Full Report.
Working Title: Irish-Basque-Native North American Genetic Catherine Wheel
Medium: Acrylic and emulsion on Plywood.
Dimensions: 120x122cm (x Hyper Space)
Year: 2015
Michael Mulcahey’s has a very strong Frequency. The tune in was achieved instantly.
Remote Painter (RP) could visualise a wheel, it looked like a wagon wheel. The wheel was turning, it was flanked by a group of North American Indians, from the various tribes of the east cost of the US. RP initially thought that they were torturing a person on the wheel. This was due to RP’s preconceived prejudice that it was a Catherine Wheel used as an implement for torture.
This image was clarified when I saw another wheel. This wheel was surrounded by Fomorians, the demi gods of ancient Ireland. They were sailing the seas on a large boat, inspecting the night sky and referencing the Catherine Wheel for navigation.
These two scenes then suffered a frequency rupture which scoured a new image between the 2 Catherine Wheels. This new image slowly revealed itself, first as 2 snakes slithering along the ground away from the Basque landmass, towards the 2 Catherine Wheels. When the snakes got to the wheels they shifted dimension and began to weave their way upright around a central wooden staff placed between the wheels.
The snakes then began to radiate and glow a translucent energy field. Genetic makers began to modulate and pulse along the strands of the double helix.
The wheels interlined either side of the DNA and began to engage it and turn like cogs in a gear. The DNA strand picked up speed moving in a straight line, propelled by the Catherine Wheel cogs. It became a blur as it approached the speed of light.
At this point a new frequency became detectable on the spectrum. It appeared, at first, to be another harmonious layer of frequency from the paintings narrative. The new frequency began to modulate in an erratic fashion and started to generate disturbances at the micro-level of the paintings structure. The new wavelength had a metallic feel and radiated a golden glow. Tongues of fire appeared all over the image at the macro-level and began to burn the vision to oblivion.
I began to lose control of the frequencies wavelength. It began to fluctuate uncontrollably on the 5th dimensional plane. It was at this point that I decided to pull an emergency manoeuvre and abort the transmission.
Post painting analysis indicates that the interference anomalies were generated by an outside party. The mass of the frequency was infinitesimal (0.056 HzM) but its power output was of a colossal magnitude (1256 HzK). The source of origin of the rupture could not be discerned from a replay of the modulations. Various art historians were consulted to find the origin of the corruption. They were baffled by the fractal nature of the event. It had all the hall marks of the self-similarity principal but at different ends of the same spectrum. Their initial investigations suggested that a full feedback analysis be conducted; indications suggested that the painting may have fallen into a self-referential loop. When this came up blank, the painting was sent to the lab for a full spectrum paint analysis. It was hoped that this would shed some light on the core structure of the paintings materiality.
The results of the full spectrum microscopic paint analysis were calibrated and fed into our GADsystem*. After 2 months of algorithmic number crunching a faint trace of the anomalous frequency was discovered residing inside the M. Mulcahey Transmission Frequency Channel. It appeared that there were 2 Channels, one dominant and the other hidden inside it. Both wavelengths were mirroring each other’s modulations on the spectrum.
The second frequency was found to originate from the presence of Paki Smith on the pictures plane. His frequency was bleeding into the Remote Transmission like a hijacking viral infection. M. Mulcahey was not happy and began to get creative in a characteristic fashion. All hell broke loose, P. Smith began to summon the spirit of Dante and began to set fire to the inner structure of the painting with a Phoenix shaped blowtorch. M. Mulchaey summoned the sea to rise up and drown the flames. The crescent wave of the flood was being ridden by Lug. It was at this point that Remote Painter jacked himself out of the transmission for fear of a wrist or eye injury, as it was randomizing at dangerously high levels.
*Genentic Artists Database System; A global database which was founded in 1931 by Interpol. Its objective was to establish a complete database of styles, techniques, content, macro-economic analysis and the genetic structure of every artist, said to have sat at the high table of art. The GADS half-life is moving at such a pace that we are now in the process of documenting every artist who sat by themselves and ate a sandwich.